foodie nyc

Sandra Lee Sucks: Coq Au Coconut with Celery Root Puree

My virtual protest of the culinary train wreck that is Sandra Lee comes to you in a variation of the classic French dish, Coq Au Vin.

For this edition of  "I Loathe Sandra Lee", I've decided to show Sandra how to create a proper braised chicken dish.   Sandra created one of the most unfortunate recipes I've seen, unwisely called "Chicken Scaloppini".  She inexplicably suggests that you braise thin, boneless chicken breasts for 4 hours.  To accent her dry overcooked chicken, she suggests braising pre-cooked frozen vegetables and potatoes for four hours, just so you can appreciate how vegetables can turn gray and lose all of their flavor and texture.   Now that's good eating.

I wish I could say I spent a ton of time thinking about how to improve this debacle.   But I didn't need to, because unlike Sandra Lee,  I realized that the  French pretty much mastered the technique for braising chicken long before Sandra even knew how to spell "preservative."

I followed the traditional Coq Au Vin technique for braising chicken, but since I try to live my life beyond the "30% creative benchmark" that Sandra inspires the world to live by,  I chose flavor combinations I thought would add an earthy element to the chicken and the braising sauce. 

After searing the chicken, I added cremini mushrooms, ground curry, garlic and water to deglaze the browned chicken goodness left in the bottom of a heavy pot.   I submerged the chicken in the liquid, brought to a heavy simmer, than placed it in a 350 oven for just a little over an hour (not four!).   

After the chicken is ready, the key becomes turning the amazingly rich, mushroom curry broth into a sauce.   I reduced the sauce for another twenty minutes until concentrated and thicker.   I then finished the dish with coconut milk, adding a creamy spike of flavor.    A bit of lemon juice cuts through the richness and balances the sauce. 

As a starchy compliment to the dish, I boiled and pureed celery root.   I love the fresh, celery flavor the puree adds to the earthy flavors of the mushroom, curry and chicken.   A simple garnish of diced radish and celery leaves adds a burst of fresh flavor and texture.

Chest bumps, Sandy!

Full recipe follows.......

I Still Loathe Sandra Lee: February 2008

It's been a while since I've thought about Sandra Lee.

But one Saturday morning, I couldn't sleep and found myself curled up on the couch watching Saturday morning Food Network shows.   Before I knew it, the queen of semi-homemade popped onto the screen in all her processed glory.    All of the cuddly goodness of this particular Saturday morning suddenly stood still in time, as I heard the dreaded words that sent my mind into a state of perplexed anarchy.   I can almost hear the shrill of her voice now:  "70% Semi Homemade and 30% creativity" and something to the effect of fooling people into thinking you actually made food from scratch.   Dupe your family!  Fool your friends!  Woohoo!

All of this reminded me how much I loathe Sandra Lee.    I get tons of love and hate mail around this subject, and I'd like to clear something up.   I don't loathe simple cooking.   Or meals that take only minutes to make.    What I do loathe is using processed ingredients full of chemicals, artificial flavors and passing it off as homemade cooking to fool your friends and family. 

It's almost like Sandra Lee is stuck in a food time warp circa 1985.    Sometimes I feel like the entire country is moving toward a local food, all natural, fresh tastes better, farmers market mentality.   But every time I feel assured about the food progress of our country,  I'm reminded that there's a single woman out there who encourages us to forget about eating  natural, healthy, local ingredients.

Beyond this, I couldn't help but notice her awful cooking technique. 

An example would be her recipe for "Chicken Scaloppini".   I'm sorry, but this has to be the worst technically sound recipe I have seen in my life.   She suggests that you should buy thinly sliced chicken breasts and braise them with a bouillon cube , Campbell's cream of asparagus soup, and frozen vegetables for 4 HOURS!!!  Not only does this combination sound horrendous to me, the technique for braising is unbelievably wrong.     One does not braise skinless, boneless chicken breasts for four hours! Ever.   No one likes tough, rubbery chicken.  Nor does one braise pre-blanched frozen veggies for four hours - they are already cooked! 

Read some of the comments from people who made this horrendous dish.   They speak for themselves.

This recipe embodies everything wrong with Sandra Lee.    She is literally setting the American food revolution back by 10 years every time she convinces a poor soul to listen to her shitty advice.

On February 18,  the next internet protest of Sandra Lee will occur on this little site.    I will post a recipe inspired by Sandra Lee's "Chicken Scaloppini" recipe.   The only rules:  I will not use processed ingredients or anything semi-homemade in my dish.   I will braise using proper techniques.   I will be more than 30% creative rather than buy bouillon cubes and Campbell's Soup to avoid thinking.

If you are interested in joining me and telling the world how much you loathe Sandra Lee, simply make a braised dish in the anti-Sandra Lee method outlined above.   Send me a photo of your creation by February 17 and a bit of description and I'll feature your protest of Sandra Lee alongside my dish.  If you have a blog, I'll link back to you in my post.

Related:   The I Loathe Sandra Lee Archives

ILSL August 2006: Summery Pasta Salads

Welcome back for another edition of I Loathe Sandra Lee.    Here's how all this started, for those new to game.

Sandra Lee is hack, we all know that.

 

But at least we can put her unfortunate recipes featuring processed food to good use.

This month's theme is pasta salads.  Semi-Processed Sandra wisely guides us to use canned pineapple and a tub of sour cream as key ingredients for a summer pasta salad.  In protest of this horrendous, unwholesome approach to cooking, we've decided to create our own versions of a summer pasta salad without canned food or processed crap. 

The result - colorful, healthy, vibrant, creative pasta salads that utilize the seasonal summer ingredients we all love. 

Ann from A Chicken in Every Granny Cart

Pasta Salad with Grape Tomatoes, Basil, Asagio, Blue Cheese and Capers

Ann created a colorful pasta salad for lunch after being reminded how loathsome Sandra Lee can be on the Food Network. Sure, there are times when it's easier to call delivery.  But as Ann says, it's easy to be inspired by Sandra.  No cans, no tubs o' sour cream.  Just what looks and sounds like a flavorful, delicious pasta salad.  Blue cheese and capers sound like a great combo, Ann!

For my recipe, I decided to experiment with fresh fruit, inspired by Sandy's canned pineapple debacle. I created a recipe for Peach Penne with Corn, Jalapeno and Scallions. 

I think the essence of peaches can work well with a pasta salad, mainly because I think they can provide a fresh, sweet accent to a pasta salad without overwhelming the dish with sweetness.  I created a puree from the fresh peaches and folded it into the pasta.  The crunchy corn adds texture to the dish, while the jalapeno adds a spicy zip that balances the fresh fruit.  Scallions add much needed color but their gentle onion flavor rings through and rounds out the dish nicely. 

See below for my full recipe.....and down with Sandra Lee!

ILSL Monthly Recipe: August 2006

That's right, Sandra Lee loathers.  It's that time again.

You know the drill by now.  Many of you have rallied behind the Sandra Lee monthly loathing sessions aimed at all things halfassed, unhealthy, unwholesome and just plain disgusting, but there are many more of you left to participate.

C'mon, show the internets how much you loathe Sandra Lee.  All you have to do is join me by undoing the Semi-Disgusting equation of hers -  70% semi-homemade +30% creativity = 100% of the credit - and making a much better, tastier dish with 0% semi-homemade processed crap and 100% of your own creativity.

The creativity comes into play as we use her August recipes from her horrendous 2006 calendar as inspiration to show how wholesome food is actually made.  After the jump is one of her actual calendar recipes for the month of August.  All you have to do is use her recipe as inspiration - eliminating the semi-crap ingredients and making a dish all your own from it.  Send me in a submission and I'll post your photo, links or whatever the hell else you want alongside the recipe I create.  Here are examples of some entries from the past.
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This month will be fun and easy to play with - a pasta salad made with the excellent summer combination of sour cream and canned pineapple.  You know, because it's summer and the hot weather always calls for a tub of sour cream and canned fruit.   Plus, you know that fresh fruit is really inconvenient to use right now.  So remember - 100% creative and 0% semi-homemade.  Those are the only rules.  Send in your submissions to joe at foodienyc dot com by noon July 31.  I will post all entries on August 1.

ILSL Recipe: May 2006

Welcome to the second installment of the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe.  This is the May edition, in which we collectively gather on the 'nets to gawk at Sandra Lee's recipe suggestions from her monthly calendar, Semi Suckiness with Sandra Suckass.

As you may recall, this month Sandra suggested we make quesadilla and taco-esque recipes with Pace salsa, store bought guacamole, and Kraft cheese.  Fellow loathers have joined me today to protest her horrendous approach to cooking, as well as her existence on the Food Network (and in my case, planet Earth as well). 

In addition to my own recipe featuring 0% Semi-Homemade ingredients and 100% creativity, I am happy to feature a few recipes from other loathers as well. 

Taco Salad by Chez Megane

Megan from the blog Chez Megane submits a recipe for a chicken taco salad.  Megan impresses us all by doing something that Sandra Lee won't do for the last piece of Kwaanza Cake on Earth - she fries her own tortillas for hard taco shells.  But let's hear it straight from Megan: "It's not that I'm against finding shortcuts in cooking or that I don't understand the need to make meals quickly. There are sacrifices to be made. But, there is a big difference between making these lovely Tacos posted here and Sandra Lee's version of quesadillas that includes jarred Kraft guacamole dip. Have you seen some of the crap this woman makes? Only the devil would actually use the powdered cheese packet from a package of macaroni and cheese in a separate recipe. She's not creative; she's insane!"

Here here, Megan. 
 
Grilled Chicken Soft Tacos by s'kat and the food

When s'kat emailed her submission to me a few days ago, I could tell we had a real loather on hand.  Indeed, s'kat writes "Woo-hoo!  Can I get a 'hell, no!' to processed and heavily refined products in here?"   Damn right you can, s'kat.  S'kat marinates chicken (No, Sandra.  Marinating does not mean covering something in taco seasoning from a box), grills it and places the chicken in the soft taco "...surrounded by just enough vegetables to make you feel good about yourself".   That's right, Sandra.  Feeling good about yourself would be the opposite of how your guests feel when they come over to your house for dinner. 

Check out s'kat's recipe here.

Pollo Con Mole Verde, Frejoles con Puerco by A Chicken in Every Granny Cart

Ann from a Chicken in Every Granny Cart emailed me today with the painful tale of writing a post full of "recipes and banter, links and knowledge, but alas, it's all gone now and I have to go to work, so it'll have to wait til tonight. *sigh*."  Gah!  That's alright Ann, I'll post any of your updated details about your chicken with green mole.  I love green mole and we all know that Sandra has no freaking idea how to make one.  If I had to guess, she would probably mix taco seasoning from an Old El Paso packet with some Mac N Cheese powder and mix it with Kool Whip or something.  Ann, forget about your Wordpress problems and just revel in the fact that you created a dish that I'm sure tasted great.

Check out A Chicken in Every Granny Cart here.

Finally, I'll post a recipe of my own.

Mini Crab Quesadillas with Asparagus and Smoked Paprika Aioli - by FoodieNYC (that's me, loser)

I created mini quesadillas featuring steamed jumbo lump crab.  No Sandra, not that imitation crab you love so much.  This is crab from....a real crab.  I steam the crab and dress it with a fresh, homemade aioli.  Sandra, I know your head is spinning at this point.  You cannot buy aioli in a grocery store.  I guess you can buy mayo, Sandra, but you'd get your broke ass kicked out of countries like Spain for behavior like that.  Finally, I roasted some asparagus and added it to the crab for some spring freshness.   Vegetables, Sandra.  Vegetables.  Think.  Different.

My full recipe for the mini crab quesadilla is below.....

The Unthinkable: People Who Like Sandra Lee

I made a random mention in a comments section on this site that I had expected to get some "I love Sandra Lee and hate you, FoodieNYC, you pompous jackass" comments or emails after publicly declaring my loathing of the food coloring Queen. 

But no, that hasn't happened yet.  I usually just get comments from people who equally loathe her unhealthy bullshit food or don't even pay attention to her, as I had previous done.  But I came to thinking....there are weirdo groups who get together to gush over every obscure aspect of life, right? Like people who sign up for dog dating sites and who read blogs about cooking with ramps.  Heh.

So I sought out the Sandra Lee die hards.  What makes these people tick? What do they love about someone that I find so beyond offensive? Introducing Fans of Sandra Lee: The Unofficial Fan Forum.  Yes, that is correct.  See for yourself. 

Now, I don't expect you to sign up in order to view this trainwreck for yourselves (though I encourage you to).  I will entertain you by summarizing some of my favorites posts in order to let you into the secret world of food dye, boxed cake and fish sticks from Walmart.  I've highlighted my favorite bits in red. 

Courtesy of "Revatwer", a "Junior Fan of Sandy", under a post titled "My Super Duper Yummy Dessert":

"You guys are gonna LOVE this!  I'm sure Dandy Sandy would too! I know that I am not quite as good as Sandy, but I do really think I am almost like her, and I'm sure you all would agree!  I made the BEST dessert for my family tonight! I wasn't even planning on doing a dessert (I know, I know.. shame on me) and to be honest with you -- and I hope this doesn't get me kicked off the board -- there are sometimes that I don't even really do a tablescarpe, I mean if I have stuff laying around or I have time to go to Dollar Castle I will, but sometimes I just get tired.  anyway, after dinner my kids really wanted something sweet, and so did my DH, but I didn't have any Twinkies or anything around, but I made this!

You take two Pop-Tarts per person, I used Strawberry because that is what I had. Spray some Pam on the "UNFROSTED" sides of the Pop-tarts! And then you take some mini-marshmallows and place them between the poptarts. Microwave this for about a minute. BE CAREFUL removing these (I used a paperplate to cook mine on) because they get hot! Then you take Marshmallow fluff and frost the outside of your Pop-tart sandwich . I also added sprinkles to this. OMG, it was soooo pretty and soooooooooo good! I wanted to add something healthy so I placed a Maraschino cherry on top and some canned pineapple on the side. It was beyond luscious!

Please tell me if you try this and how you liked it and remember it was my idea so PLEASE give me credit if you use my recipe!         

Yes, that's right folks.  Sandy Dandy.  Super Duper Yummy.  Maraschino cherry = healthy. Twinkies. This must have been written by a 12 year old whose Mommy is out grocery shopping for the afternoon, right? Unfortunately, "Revatwer" says she is 36 years old on her bio.   Right. 

Here's a classic thread regarding Sandra Lee's body.  Uh huh. 

"For the first time, I am able to be free with my thoughts and say how evious I am of her great shape. She has a teriffic body and I am jealous. Here's to you and your bod, Sandra. Keep up the good work."

"my Hubby said my body should like so good    , but thats ok I still Luv sandra"

"OK., you'll all hate me for this, but I think Sandy needs a better bra. I mean she has a spendid figure and all, but she is a little droopy in the north, if ya know what I mean. But she does swing 'em well."

"Maybe it's just the camera?  I bet the camera doesn't do her justice. No one could hang that low!"

" You know, you could be right about the camera thing.  I'm sure they don't hang that low too.    "

"I agree. The camera doesn't do her justice! Heavens, if she really looked like that, she could be in a freak show!"

".....to each his own of course, but I think her breasts are magnificent!"

God, I am on the floor right now.  I don't even know what to say about this. 

Following is a classic, posted under the title "A Sanda-esque tablescape saved me!" by someone named sandrules:

We all know that Sandra does *the best* and klassiest tablescapes, but the one that inspired me from her "Sexy Soiree" show really got me out of a jam...

My husband and I have been having some intimacy problems and he believes that I should be slaving away in the kitchen all day instead of watching Sandra Lee. (Whatever!) So, I really wanted to spice things up. Well, I went to Wal-Mart and spent some money on a red Kitchen Aid mixer, some red napkins, several strands of faux pearls and a few genuine glass beads. I even found a strand of hearts that light up and I strung them all around the kitchen. Really folks, my kitchen looked soooo professional and extremely classy.

Coot, my husband, was shocked! He had no idea that I had such a talent for decorating, he upped my weekly allowance for trips to Wal-Mart and he was thrilled that I made something semi-homemade. Now he thinks that I slaved away all day in the kitchen and my marriage, once threatened, is now on the mend.

However, I do have one question for all of you; When I made Sandra's "Tropical Salmon" I cheated a bit. You see, Coot doesn't really like fish, so I used fish sticks instead. Do ya'll think Sandra would approve?"

Holy shit, people.  This is a classic.  Poor old Coot.  He pays his wife an allowance in order to make extra trips to Walmart which helps with his intimacy problems. Man, a trip to Walmart would turn me asexual for god's sake. But red napkins, fake pearls and fish sticks.  Watch out honey, papa's home! Above all, I just love the fish sticks line.  He doesn't like fish, so she bought him "fish" from Walmart.  Hahahahahaha.  This site is priceless.

ILSL Monthly Recipe: May 2006

So, here we go.  The next I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly recipe. 

But we are going to have to skip right to May.

The recipes in Sandra's April calendar are horrendous.  Something about dye and boxed cake mix.  There's no one around me that wants to eat crap like this for Easter, especially when the first ramps and morels are ready for the making.

Sandy's April recipes are just not good enough to create a recipe from. Plus, Easter has passed.  So I'll just post the submissions for the next recipe on May 1st and use her May monthly recipes.   

Yes, this may happen again.  I just can't make any of her shitty desserts.  They are really horrendous, as are her cocktails. 

So you may have all seen the background on this by now.  I am undoing Sandra's horrific 70% semi-homemade +30% creativity = 100% of the credit trainwreck from her May calendar.  (I did not buy this calendar myself. I will say this in every post from now on so you never, ever, think I did.  This work of genius was sent by friends Mike and Nicole in response to this).

After the jump are the recipes for May.  I will be posting the latest ILSL Monthly Recipe on May 1.  Send me in a submission and I'll post your photo, links or whatever the hell else you want alongside my own recipe creation.

If you want to participate, just use some of the themes within either of Sandra's two original recipes below and make something of your own.  So remember - 100% creative and 0% semi-homemade.  Those are the only rules.  Send in your submissions to joe at foodienyc dot com by April 29 .

ILSL Monthly Recipe: Spicy Lime-Aid Ceviche

Yes folks, here it is.  The first ever I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe
kicks off today with a wimper. 

Apparently, I am alone in my loathing of Sandra Lee.  (Or the thousands of people who have clicked on the link are not interested in cooking. Great - this website is worthless). 

No worries lazy and quite loathers, I will march on with my mission of creating a forum to publicy protest the Semi-Human disaster that occurs on the Food Network each and every day.

As you may recall, the March recipe from the Sandra Lee calendar is for a sherry glazed cake and a lime-aid beverage.  I have decided to undo her 70% semi homemade, 30% creativity formula by using her lime-aid recipe as inspiration.   So the 0% semi-homemade means...holy shit Sandra....I am going to use REAL LIMES.  Not bogus processed juice from concentrate.  I even flick Sandra the finger by using lime rinds.  That's right, Sandra, limes have a skin.  They are green. They taste... like a lime! Gasp.  You should go out and buy a lime one day and check it out.

In my search to become 100% creative, I started to think about how great the sweet and sour lime juice would be with fish.   In fact, I thought it would be even better as a ceviche.  The citrus would be balanced with sweetness (a bit of sugar) but also a touch of spiciness (a pinch of cayenne) to create an interesting combination of flavors. 

I thought this spicy lime-aid would be balanced with dried cranberries, cool and creamy avocado, toasted sesame seeds, crunchy and fresh jicama and sushi grade tuna and salmon. I loved the mix of fresh tuna and salmon in this dish- the textures and tastes are different enough to be interesting yet they also compliment each other well.

My recipe for Tuna and Salmon Spicy Lime-Aid Ceviche follows.  Thanks for the inspiriation, Sandy.  Till next month, when I hope to get more loathers on board....

I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe: March 2006

OK, fellow Sandra Lee loathers.  We are all set to begin the first ever I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe.  For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, read everything you need to know about this here.

So here's how this will work.  Every month I will publish the monthly recipes exactly as published by the Queen of processed food on this site.  I will then marinate in the stew of her awfulness for between one and two weeks and then post my own version of her recipe on the last day of the month, but without her 70% semi-homemade and 30% creativity theory.   The goal of the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe will be to use her recipe "ideas" and undue her horrific formula, creating a recipe that is 0% semi-homemade and 100% creative.

If you are interested in showing the world how much you loathe Sandra and her semi-homemade theory, please send me your submissions for the March 2006 I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe by noon March 30th.  I'll post them (and a link to your blog) on this site on March 31.

After the jump are two recipes exactly as published in the March 2006 calendar. 

First, we have Sandy's Sherry Tea Cakes, made from a box mix and instant Jell-O pudding.  We are also blessed with Sandy's version of Limeaid, in which she wisely avoids fresh fruit of any kind.  There are many ways you can approach undoing her recipes.  For the limeaid recipe, you could...gasp....use an actual LIME! You know, the fresh kind! Or you can create another type of sweet and sour fresh juice drink...or even a cocktail.  Maybe even use a form of the limeaid as part of a dish like ceviche.  Remember, to undue a Sandra Lee recipe you only need to be more than 30% creative!

You get the idea.  Have fun and look forward to any submissions I might receive. 

Introducing the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe

I recently received an unmarked box sent to me by an anonymous reader of this site.  This ingenious and slightly deranged person sent me a Sandra Lee Semi Homemade Calendar, courtesy of the Food Network.  Of course, this kind hearted reader sent me this "gift" in response to recent ramblings on how much Sandra Lee bugs me and how nauseating I find her.

After laughing my ass off, spending an entire day thinking about who sent this to me (reveal yourself, funny guy) and wondering if I am being stalked by Sandra Lee herself (wow, that would be awesome, actually.  Sandra, stalk me!), I realized that I needed to put this unfortunate Semi Homemade calendar "gift" to good use.

The Sandra Lee calendar features a lot of unwholesome, cheesy, tacky and horrendously unauthentic tips for kitchen hacks to reference each month of the year.  These come in the form of monthly recipes and entertaining advice designed to make you look foolish in front of friends and family.

Let me have Sandra explain this brilliant calendar for herself, courtesy of the outer cover:

"My "semi-homemade" approach reveals how to cook, decorate and entertain more easily, with sensational results.  By combining 70% ready-made with 30% of your own creativity, you'll enjoy 100% of the credit....in a fraction of the time.  Each month, this calendar offers some of my favorite 70/30 recipes, designed to fit in your recipe box."

It goes without saying that this 70/30 approach goes against virtually everything I find important to cooking, creating meals, enjoying food, as well as buying and shopping for fresh, seasonal ingredients.

In protest of this hack being on national television, I will be posting a monthly recipe on this site called the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe.

On the last day of every month,  I will take one of her recipes from the current month of her Semi- Awful calendar and create my own I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe based on whatever her recipe "idea" was for the month.  The recipe will be created in the anti-Semi Homemade philosophy.  Forget 70/30 ratios combining laziness, unhealthiness and mindless, uncreative behavior. The I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe will be 0% ready-made and 100% creativity.   I will use her recipe idea and make something that actually took thought, time and impeccably fresh, seasonal, unconcentrated, unpreserved, unprocessed ingredients. 

During the middle of each month, I will announce the Sandra Lee monthly calendar recipe from which I will be cooking the new I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe from.  Here's where you come in.   If you are interested in posting your pictures or your own I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe,  I will post them (along with a link to your blog) with my monthly recipe for all fellow loathers to enjoy.

Look out for first Semi Homemade recipe from the March calendar shortly.  I'll then post the first I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe(s) on the last day of March.

Join the loathing and send in your recipes! The more the merrier.  All 0%/100% efforts will proudly be accepted!