2006 Best and Worst Food Shows

I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing the current state of food TV and not much has changed since my  2005 Best and Worst list. Unfortunately, this is due to the complete mismanagement at the Food Network, which has hit record lows in programming quality. The Food Network continues to suck, PBS is still humming along but needs a few new shows and Bravo has thankfully created one of the best food shows in recent memory. Last year’s list was by far my most popular post in the history of this tiny site, so I hope this creates a new forum for those of you who like to commiserate over such dorkiness.

Thanks But No Thanks

Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee

I’ll go out on a limb here and say that this is worst food show ever created and produced for air. Yes, pervs, I understand that she has large boobs and they are intriguing in the semi-homemade sense, but I’m not going to go into boob analysis on this site. But please, people. There’s no hotness here. And since her food makes me want to puke, 2005 led me to dedicate hours of my life devoted toward expressing my utter distaste for everything Sandra Lee. What I find more interesting is how this crap is still on the air. Who watches this show and likes it? Seriously. I need to know. I need to find you, Sandra Lee lovers, and understand what makes you tick. I will devote precious FoodieNYC real estate to let you wax on about your semi homemade fantasies like pre-packaged mashed potatoes and the joys of creating NASCAR themed tablescapes. Since Food Network is completely out of touch with its viewers and all current food trends, I predict 2007 will lead to a 10 year Semi Homemade contract extension.

Unwrapped

I don’t even consider this a show. It’s more like an infomercial. I’d rather watch that dude Chef Tony sell me a Pasta Express. The few times I have attempted to watch this show has led me to lose multiple IQ points. In addition, I have woken from my Unwrapped brain coma drooling, wearing goggles and covered in whipped cream like the kids in Mark Summers last successful show, Double Dare. Unwrapped is a great show because not only can I learn about the process of making Dum Dum lollipops for exciting party conversation, but my brain will be guaranteed to turn into one as well.

Paula's Party

Food Network is trying to turn Paula Deen into the next Emeril. I bet you she scores well in focus groups with people who still think there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. You don’t believe me? I predict more of the mass commercialization of The Butter Queen in 2007. I can see it now.  Paula Deen Crisco sponsorships, Paula Deen Butter Injections products available at Walmart, the Paula Deen Transfat line.  This will then lead to a rise in the depression rate in North East and West Coast regions of the U.S., followed by increased cholesterol levels for the rest of the country. Good times ahead, Y’ALL!!! Now go get some chugging butter ready for the Paul Deen marathon coming soon to prime time!

The Next Food Network "Star"

How ironic. You compete on a reality show that is second rate to Top Chef. You are then anointed a second rate food competition winner. You win the chance to become the Food Network Star, which gives you the chance to embarrass yourself in front of your family by creating a program that is book ended by Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee and The Secret Life Of. You get to be judged by Sandra Lee herself during the competition, who gives you points on food preparation because she’s clearly aced that aspect of her life. I would try out for this show and intentionally attempt to lose.

Eh.

Everyday Italian

Look. I do not rip Giada on this site. Last year, I refused to put her into the worst category due to her breakthrough cleavage demonstrations and her cutting edge cleavage techniques. But listen people. I have been studying Everyday Italian and there is a marked reduction in cleav love recently. This could be a career killer for Giada, so I will again make my cleav styling skills available to her as needed. By the way, I guarantee her Giada goes on Tour show will die a cruel, unremarkable, boring death like Food Nation, Alton Hits the Road, and Molto Runs Around the Midwest. I’m not sure why, but it may be because we’ve all seen this concept and it SUCKS!

Ace of Cakes

I would never intentionally make time in my life to watch Ace of Cakes, but it is a pretty decent show. Mr. Ace is pretty creative and his business seems to hinge on a semi-stoned dude holding onto a flamingo cake in the back seat of a shady van. I like the rando characters who work there. If this show were on Bravo, the character development would be a lot edgier and would probably be a lot funnier. Hey Ace, go pimp yourself to a cable channel that cares, dude.

Barefoot Contessa

Her cooking is honest and seems pretty tasty. But the fake scenarios continue to nauseate and will seemingly become less tolerable as time goes on. Barefoot needs to put some shit kicking shoes on and get a new show concept before her lameness starts to overwhelm her cooking.

Best of a Bad Lot

Top Chef

Top Chef is the best food show on TV right now, hands down. Wanna know why? Food geeks, general food lovers and even apathetic food people all love it. Even better, I think it’s just hitting its stride right now. The characters are rich without being annoyingly overdeveloped, the challenges are honest and interesting, the production values are high, the host is smoking hot, Colicchio does a nice job and guest cheffy judges add spice to each show. I would say this is the best food show on TV right now and the best since Iron Chef proper launched in the U.S. in the late 90’s. Don’t believe me? Try and think of one. Bourdain? I could listen to those arguments. Iron Chef America? I ‘d say a notch below.

Throwdown with Bobby Flay

I suspect some of you will torch me for this, but I like Bobby Flay’s Throwdown. Again, I do not know when it airs and would never think about dropping plans to see it, but I like the concept and I enjoy seeing some of the characters he competes against do their thing,. The military guy who grills steak? Loved his story. The crazy woman who was obsessed with creating the best brunch in the South? She freaked me out but in a good way. This show is solely reliant on the guest talent, but when it’s right, the show is pretty entertaining.

Iron Chef America

I continue to like (not love) this show. I have nothing more to add to my previous Iron Chef American analysis, volume I and II, other than reiterating that 1) Kevin Brauche needs to get canned and 2) if Morimoto does not compete, we should get another Iron Chef on there to break up the continuous Batali/Flay battles.

Lydia

A+ continues. Apparently she has a new show in development, which I have heard takes her out of the kitchen. Can anyone confirm this? Be scared, people.

In Conclusion

I have been watching food tv shows for about 10 years now, and other than 2005, this was one of the worst food TV years I can ever remember.  2007 looks relatively unpromising at this point, but you never know. Cross your fingers.

Comments

[s'kat]

It's a sad, sad world when Top Chef is the best of the bunch.

[Sarah]

Hope you bring back your "I Loathe Sandra Lee" recipe contest in 2007 . . .

[Kevin]

Loved the analysis. Let us know what you think about our TasteTV (http://www.TasteTV.com)

[James Van Dyk]

No reservationsis still my favorite ,I also still like Alton. Gourmets new foodie shows is a good new spot,but how come someone doesn't come up with a new food station? How many sports or news stations are there?I think there's room and lot's of great people yet to be featured.

[kyle]

What about the "America's Test Kitchen" show on PBS?

[joe]

i think america's test kitchen is a good show. i've written about it here:

http://blog.foodienyc.com/2005/02/pbs_sundays_bet.html

it just didn't make my short list this year. it's solid but not great. i actually like the magazine better, to be honest.

[Gael]

I think all the travel shows are just trying to copy A Cook's Tour which was an excellent show. PBS and No Reservation are the ony times I enjoy food shows.

[Jimbo]

I agree on Paula Deen. Oh my God, that laugh! It makes me insane. She's laughing like a lunatic while pouring a gallon of butter on two ears of corn, ACK! Meanwhile, Lydia is excellent and I like Alton's "Good Eats" but the new show, Eating Up Asphalt (or whatever), flat out suks. No recipes, just Alton stuffing his face, and riding that Jap bike. He could at least ride a Harley like us real men.
My $0.02

[Nate]

I agree that Alton Brown is quite good. In particular I am thinking of his Feasting on Asphalt series.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I nominate anything with Rachael Ray as being god awful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRF_lewLjAM

[Paul Johnson]

I still think that Bourdain takes it, A Cooks Tour was the best thing around and it is a testament to the food networks stupidity that they would show this at the last possible time slot, for a brief period of time before canning it all together. Bourdain for me, is the best single host driven Food show out there. As he said, when writing recently, the most interesting food show would have to be an Iron Chef face off between Marco Pierre White and Gordon Ramsay. Also, England is putting out some pretty quality food shows these days. They are tough to find, usually only downloadable but Kitchen Criminals is interesting. Boiling Points was great and the new season of Hell's Kitchen offers us a chance to finally see Marco in the kitchen. They certainly have things a bit better over the pond at the moment in terms of food programming.

[jeff]

Great Site! I just want to say that I have all but stopped watching the Food Network. The only show still worth watching is Good Eats. They don't cook anymore. I was just looking at a Kathleen Dealmans (sp) cookbook and it made me think of all the shows that used to have actual cooking on them. Now what is on has been dumbed down to suit the lowest common denominator which, judging from the percentage of prepared foods in my supermarket, is pretty low.

[Chef Uniforms]

I agree with the post quite a bit top chef is definitely the best and Ive also watch Bobby Flay here and there which was pretty interesting but i would never drop what i was doing to watch it.

-Steve

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Glad I'm not the only one that hates Sandra Lee. Great pic!