ILSL Recipe: May 2006

Welcome to the second installment of the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe.  This is the May edition, in which we collectively gather on the 'nets to gawk at Sandra Lee's recipe suggestions from her monthly calendar, Semi Suckiness with Sandra Suckass.

As you may recall, this month Sandra suggested we make quesadilla and taco-esque recipes with Pace salsa, store bought guacamole, and Kraft cheese.  Fellow loathers have joined me today to protest her horrendous approach to cooking, as well as her existence on the Food Network (and in my case, planet Earth as well). 

In addition to my own recipe featuring 0% Semi-Homemade ingredients and 100% creativity, I am happy to feature a few recipes from other loathers as well. 

Taco Salad by Chez Megane

Megan from the blog Chez Megane submits a recipe for a chicken taco salad.  Megan impresses us all by doing something that Sandra Lee won't do for the last piece of Kwaanza Cake on Earth - she fries her own tortillas for hard taco shells.  But let's hear it straight from Megan: "It's not that I'm against finding shortcuts in cooking or that I don't understand the need to make meals quickly. There are sacrifices to be made. But, there is a big difference between making these lovely Tacos posted here and Sandra Lee's version of quesadillas that includes jarred Kraft guacamole dip. Have you seen some of the crap this woman makes? Only the devil would actually use the powdered cheese packet from a package of macaroni and cheese in a separate recipe. She's not creative; she's insane!"

Here here, Megan. 
 
Grilled Chicken Soft Tacos by s'kat and the food

When s'kat emailed her submission to me a few days ago, I could tell we had a real loather on hand.  Indeed, s'kat writes "Woo-hoo!  Can I get a 'hell, no!' to processed and heavily refined products in here?"   Damn right you can, s'kat.  S'kat marinates chicken (No, Sandra.  Marinating does not mean covering something in taco seasoning from a box), grills it and places the chicken in the soft taco "...surrounded by just enough vegetables to make you feel good about yourself".   That's right, Sandra.  Feeling good about yourself would be the opposite of how your guests feel when they come over to your house for dinner. 

Check out s'kat's recipe here.

Pollo Con Mole Verde, Frejoles con Puerco by A Chicken in Every Granny Cart

Ann from a Chicken in Every Granny Cart emailed me today with the painful tale of writing a post full of "recipes and banter, links and knowledge, but alas, it's all gone now and I have to go to work, so it'll have to wait til tonight. *sigh*."  Gah!  That's alright Ann, I'll post any of your updated details about your chicken with green mole.  I love green mole and we all know that Sandra has no freaking idea how to make one.  If I had to guess, she would probably mix taco seasoning from an Old El Paso packet with some Mac N Cheese powder and mix it with Kool Whip or something.  Ann, forget about your Wordpress problems and just revel in the fact that you created a dish that I'm sure tasted great.

Check out A Chicken in Every Granny Cart here.

Finally, I'll post a recipe of my own.

Mini Crab Quesadillas with Asparagus and Smoked Paprika Aioli - by FoodieNYC (that's me, loser)

I created mini quesadillas featuring steamed jumbo lump crab.  No Sandra, not that imitation crab you love so much.  This is crab from....a real crab.  I steam the crab and dress it with a fresh, homemade aioli.  Sandra, I know your head is spinning at this point.  You cannot buy aioli in a grocery store.  I guess you can buy mayo, Sandra, but you'd get your broke ass kicked out of countries like Spain for behavior like that.  Finally, I roasted some asparagus and added it to the crab for some spring freshness.   Vegetables, Sandra.  Vegetables.  Think.  Different.

My full recipe for the mini crab quesadilla is below.....

Recipe makes 4 mini quesadillas, two per person. 

Crab Salad

1 cup jumbo lump crab, steamed
4 large stalks of asparagus, roasted and cooled
2 piquillo peppers, rinsed and chopped finely
salt, pepper


Season with salt and pepper.  Gently mix to combine, being careful not to break up the crab too much.

Smoked Paprika Aioli

1 large garlic clove, peeled and chopped
kosher salt and pepper
1 egg yolk
1/2 lemon, juiced
1 cup olive oil
Freshly ground black pepper
3 pinches smoked paprika

 

Place garlic and salt in a food processor. Pulse for 2 seconds. Add the egg yolk and lemon juice, and pulse on and off until blended. Stream in the olive oil in a thin stream. If it becomes too thick, thin it out with some room-temperature water and continue adding oil until you've used it all. Finish with pepper and a bit more salt.

Make the Quesadillas, Finish the Dish

2 large flour tortillas

With a ring mold, cut small circle from the large tortillas, about 8 total.  Season them with olive oil and salt and pepper.  Place them on a tray and broil them until just crisp, 2 minutes.

Carefully fold the aioli into the crab mixture, about three tablespoons worth.  Be gentle.  Taste for seasoning. Place a tortilla circle on the plate.  Add two or three heaping spoonfuls of crab onto the tortilla.  Place another circle on top of the crab.  Garnish tops with a bit more of the crab.  Repeat as necessary.

Comments

[elle]

LOL-I completely agree with you. I can't believe the Food Network has this show on to tell us how to make junk meals out of crap!!!

[mike]

nice one guys! joe, the crab salad looks phenom....

[s'kat]

The quesadillas look *killer*!

As far as Ms. Lee is concerned, you know all the chemicals she ingests from her arsenal of fake foods will one day do her in.

[dave]

i have been looking to try an aioli - will give this a shot. thanks joe!

[Shelby]

Did you catch the Sandra Lee episode involving Swedish gummy fish frozen in ice cubes floating in a fish bowl of blue gatorade? In the same episode she carefully points out how to scoop sherbert onto cookies.

[Dennis Pietro]

Does anyone know how old the beautiful woman is? I admit her cooking sucks, but she sure is gorgeous. My friends and I are debating how old she is. I bet 38, and they are guessing in the upper 40's.

[Bruce Smith]

Kosher salt? a food processor? on my boat?? And what of thsese freaking piquillo peppers with "smoked" paprika to boot???
You'll never find any of that crap on my boat, just fresh live lobster or 2 hr from live swordfish steaks from Catalina on the barbeque. You all are legends in you own behind.
A Sandra Lee Aficionado

[sveta]

I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you!.

[sandra lee hater]

Sandra lee is wierd, she gets cake , strawberry preserve , whip cream from store and serve them on plate and calls it sweet dish, is she retarded, all unwholesome things she come up with and her style of speaking, my my why she stretchhhhhhhhhh the word, just bit of ittttt, alien

[Bill]

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[Britney]

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[Bill]

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[Bush]

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[Hillary]

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[Bush]

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[Tammy]

I think it's sad and pathetic that you have chosen to use your time to hate somebody. I feel really bad for you. There are lots of people out there that would give anything to have more time in their day, and in their life, and this is what you've chosen to do with time which is so precious.

There are so many worthwhile causes to direct your energy towards, and I find it shameful that you direct yours towards this.

I'm sorry that your life is that meaningless that you do this instead of just sharing recipes with everybody.