The Unthinkable: People Who Like Sandra Lee

I made a random mention in a comments section on this site that I had expected to get some "I love Sandra Lee and hate you, FoodieNYC, you pompous jackass" comments or emails after publicly declaring my loathing of the food coloring Queen. 

But no, that hasn't happened yet.  I usually just get comments from people who equally loathe her unhealthy bullshit food or don't even pay attention to her, as I had previous done.  But I came to thinking....there are weirdo groups who get together to gush over every obscure aspect of life, right? Like people who sign up for dog dating sites and who read blogs about cooking with ramps.  Heh.

So I sought out the Sandra Lee die hards.  What makes these people tick? What do they love about someone that I find so beyond offensive? Introducing Fans of Sandra Lee: The Unofficial Fan Forum.  Yes, that is correct.  See for yourself. 

Now, I don't expect you to sign up in order to view this trainwreck for yourselves (though I encourage you to).  I will entertain you by summarizing some of my favorites posts in order to let you into the secret world of food dye, boxed cake and fish sticks from Walmart.  I've highlighted my favorite bits in red. 

Courtesy of "Revatwer", a "Junior Fan of Sandy", under a post titled "My Super Duper Yummy Dessert":

"You guys are gonna LOVE this!  I'm sure Dandy Sandy would too! I know that I am not quite as good as Sandy, but I do really think I am almost like her, and I'm sure you all would agree!  I made the BEST dessert for my family tonight! I wasn't even planning on doing a dessert (I know, I know.. shame on me) and to be honest with you -- and I hope this doesn't get me kicked off the board -- there are sometimes that I don't even really do a tablescarpe, I mean if I have stuff laying around or I have time to go to Dollar Castle I will, but sometimes I just get tired.  anyway, after dinner my kids really wanted something sweet, and so did my DH, but I didn't have any Twinkies or anything around, but I made this!

You take two Pop-Tarts per person, I used Strawberry because that is what I had. Spray some Pam on the "UNFROSTED" sides of the Pop-tarts! And then you take some mini-marshmallows and place them between the poptarts. Microwave this for about a minute. BE CAREFUL removing these (I used a paperplate to cook mine on) because they get hot! Then you take Marshmallow fluff and frost the outside of your Pop-tart sandwich . I also added sprinkles to this. OMG, it was soooo pretty and soooooooooo good! I wanted to add something healthy so I placed a Maraschino cherry on top and some canned pineapple on the side. It was beyond luscious!

Please tell me if you try this and how you liked it and remember it was my idea so PLEASE give me credit if you use my recipe!         

Yes, that's right folks.  Sandy Dandy.  Super Duper Yummy.  Maraschino cherry = healthy. Twinkies. This must have been written by a 12 year old whose Mommy is out grocery shopping for the afternoon, right? Unfortunately, "Revatwer" says she is 36 years old on her bio.   Right. 

Here's a classic thread regarding Sandra Lee's body.  Uh huh. 

"For the first time, I am able to be free with my thoughts and say how evious I am of her great shape. She has a teriffic body and I am jealous. Here's to you and your bod, Sandra. Keep up the good work."

"my Hubby said my body should like so good    , but thats ok I still Luv sandra"

"OK., you'll all hate me for this, but I think Sandy needs a better bra. I mean she has a spendid figure and all, but she is a little droopy in the north, if ya know what I mean. But she does swing 'em well."

"Maybe it's just the camera?  I bet the camera doesn't do her justice. No one could hang that low!"

" You know, you could be right about the camera thing.  I'm sure they don't hang that low too.    "

"I agree. The camera doesn't do her justice! Heavens, if she really looked like that, she could be in a freak show!"

".....to each his own of course, but I think her breasts are magnificent!"

God, I am on the floor right now.  I don't even know what to say about this. 

Following is a classic, posted under the title "A Sanda-esque tablescape saved me!" by someone named sandrules:

We all know that Sandra does *the best* and klassiest tablescapes, but the one that inspired me from her "Sexy Soiree" show really got me out of a jam...

My husband and I have been having some intimacy problems and he believes that I should be slaving away in the kitchen all day instead of watching Sandra Lee. (Whatever!) So, I really wanted to spice things up. Well, I went to Wal-Mart and spent some money on a red Kitchen Aid mixer, some red napkins, several strands of faux pearls and a few genuine glass beads. I even found a strand of hearts that light up and I strung them all around the kitchen. Really folks, my kitchen looked soooo professional and extremely classy.

Coot, my husband, was shocked! He had no idea that I had such a talent for decorating, he upped my weekly allowance for trips to Wal-Mart and he was thrilled that I made something semi-homemade. Now he thinks that I slaved away all day in the kitchen and my marriage, once threatened, is now on the mend.

However, I do have one question for all of you; When I made Sandra's "Tropical Salmon" I cheated a bit. You see, Coot doesn't really like fish, so I used fish sticks instead. Do ya'll think Sandra would approve?"

Holy shit, people.  This is a classic.  Poor old Coot.  He pays his wife an allowance in order to make extra trips to Walmart which helps with his intimacy problems. Man, a trip to Walmart would turn me asexual for god's sake. But red napkins, fake pearls and fish sticks.  Watch out honey, papa's home! Above all, I just love the fish sticks line.  He doesn't like fish, so she bought him "fish" from Walmart.  Hahahahahaha.  This site is priceless.

Comments

[jenblossom]

I think something in my brain just broke.

Seriously.

[L]

Can't. Stop. Laughing.....

[mike]

dude. can't deal with this.

[gypsy]

I used to lurk there. I suspect some of those "fans" are actually anti-fans. Some of what I've read there goes so far beyond believable I don't think even Sistah Sandy would do it.

[gypsy]

I used to lurk there. I suspect some of those "fans" are actually anti-fans. Some of what I've read there goes so far beyond believable I don't think even Sistah Sandy would do it.

[Diana]

Dear lord, I cannot believe those posts. It's really scary!!! People have these weird internet lives and even weirder real lives...I'm in shock.

[Pixie Stix]

It's a joke site. It's not real. It was set up to lure Fandras in. And yes, those 'fans' are anti-fans.

[tokyoastrogirl]

Oh My GOD! No, wait. OH.....MY.......GAWD! First of all, this is the funniest thing I've read all year. I swear if my spouse ever tried to seduce me with supplies from Wal Mart and Gorton's fish sticks I'd not only file for divorce but probably kill myself. Well, not really but we'd be in therapy for a decade.

[Adam]

FISH STICKS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA... Thank you for sharing... I was just kind of wondering what "Tropical Salmon" is, but I'm betting that Coot's wife actually IMPROVED it with her semi-homemade creativity!

[Stephanie]

Sounds to me like you all need to get a life. I'm sure you are all thinking I'm a fan of hers, but not really. I just can't believe there is actually a website designated to bash Sandra Lee (someone has way too much time on their hands). I guess it really doesn't matter what you all think anyway, the woman is a multi-millionaire, thanks to her keen sense of business and creative ideas.

[joe]

ding ding ding. it took someone 2 months to say something nice about sandra here. great job stephanie! enjoy that semi homemade life.

[DinerGirl]

Um, I hate to break it to ya, but I happen to know more than one person who goes to that site, poses as a Fandra and posts stuff. In fact, I know the person who wrote the "Coot" post. She's no Fandra. She's on the dark side with the rest of us at TWoP. :)

[LlamaSpank]

Heh, yeah, more than half the people on that forum are from the forums at TWoP (myself included). Unfortunately it seems that the Fandras are not, well, computer-literate enough to make their own website . . . Or could it be that the 70% premade has actually SHRUNK THEIR BRAINS?

bwa ha ha ha!

[rocky]

Ah, no wonder so many of the postings on the SL Love site were so funny. TWoP totally rules on the snark.

And I am so loving I Loathe Sandra Lee. Almost enough to watch the show more, so I can loathe more, and on it goes.

[Lovin' sandra]

well I for one enjoy sandra,she is a very talented lady ;)

[coltonness]

wheres her wedding ring and why is she in a studio that is supposed to resemble her home? im dying to know??/ i hate her and i even have a better body

[ForReeal]

This is the funniest shit I've ever read.

[Hamster]

As a semihomaker, I have enjoyed posting on that site many times. It's a pleasure to chat with Fans of Chef Lee rather than a pack of lathered hyenas who spew venom simply because Chef Lee is Food Editor of Highlights Magazine and they are not. I'm glad you enjoyed my/our work.

[Wendy]

Um, the Pop-Tart post is clearly parody. It goes to 11.

[TK!]

Hey y'all,I know the owner/person that started that site and its a fer Real Sandra fan site.:)

[Kevin Kemp]

Bwahahahahahahahaha....haha...I'm fucking crying this is so funny! Klassiest tablescapes, bwahahaha...oh my god my head hurts! bwahahahahahahaha........Seriously this stuff is funnier than the Chuck Norris facts website. There should be a Sandra Lee facts site. This is priceless. I could read about it all night!

[rasraf]

Holy crap! I was sitting here eating some delicious roasted potatoes (100% homemade, sorry Sandra), and when I read the pop-tart thing I actually gagged! That is the grossest thing I've ever seen on the internet...and there is some nasty stuff out there :)

Whoever wrote that is either completely insane or a comic genius.

[lisa larson]

I was watching I Village when Sandra showed up to talk about her new book. I didn't even recognize her, she has aged so much! There is no way she is only 40 as her official bio states! She is definitely closer to 50. And those breasts continue to get larger every time I see her on TV. She is definitelty spending quality time (which she saves by cooking semi ho-made) with her plastic surgeon!

Anyhow, I read this posting about Miss Walmart- who confuses sexualtity with a stipend for Walmart purchases- and I laughed outloud. Thanks for the happy moment and I plan to come back to see what the latest Sandra Lee bashing holds! Priceless!

[TARA]

oh my gosh, they make fun of her even on her fan sites. This makes me want to sign up for an account so I can take out my aggression toward her by making up horrendous stories.
Her fans are deranged.

She just published her memoir - do the bookstores a favor and do a little reshelving: http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3161076&view=findpost&p=9157863
the regulars of that thread have started reshelving her books, as discussed by them. quite a funny bunch, really.