ILSL Monthly Recipe: May 2006

So, here we go.  The next I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly recipe. 

But we are going to have to skip right to May.

The recipes in Sandra's April calendar are horrendous.  Something about dye and boxed cake mix.  There's no one around me that wants to eat crap like this for Easter, especially when the first ramps and morels are ready for the making.

Sandy's April recipes are just not good enough to create a recipe from. Plus, Easter has passed.  So I'll just post the submissions for the next recipe on May 1st and use her May monthly recipes.   

Yes, this may happen again.  I just can't make any of her shitty desserts.  They are really horrendous, as are her cocktails. 

So you may have all seen the background on this by now.  I am undoing Sandra's horrific 70% semi-homemade +30% creativity = 100% of the credit trainwreck from her May calendar.  (I did not buy this calendar myself. I will say this in every post from now on so you never, ever, think I did.  This work of genius was sent by friends Mike and Nicole in response to this).

After the jump are the recipes for May.  I will be posting the latest ILSL Monthly Recipe on May 1.  Send me in a submission and I'll post your photo, links or whatever the hell else you want alongside my own recipe creation.

If you want to participate, just use some of the themes within either of Sandra's two original recipes below and make something of your own.  So remember - 100% creative and 0% semi-homemade.  Those are the only rules.  Send in your submissions to joe at foodienyc dot com by April 29 .

This one actually looks good to riff from, the last one was much more difficult.  I think I'm definitely going to do something using spring ingredients.  Ramps, morels, asparagus... a spring taquito? Who knows. 

CHORIZO TAQUITOS

1 (16-ounce, bulk) package beef chorizo sausage, casing removed
1 cup medium chunky salsa, drained PACE (hahahahaha)
1 cup shredded mild cheddar cheese
6 fajita-size flour tortillas
1 cup prepared guacamole refrigerated section.  (hahahahaha)
1/4 cup sour cream

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. In a large skillet, saute sausage over medium heat until browned, about 6 minutes. Drain 1/4 cup of oil from cooked sausage. Set sausage aside to cool. Stir salsa and cheese into sausage in skillet. Place 1 tortilla on a clean work surface. Spoon 1/4 cup of the sausage mixture down the center of tortilla. Fold tortilla in half, then roll up. Secure with toothpicks. Place on a foil-covered cookie sheet. Repeat 5 times. Bake until filling is hot and tortilla is crisp and golden brown, about 18 minutes. Cut taquitos in half crosswise. Serve hot with guacamole and sour cream.

BLACK BEAN QUESADILLA

2 burrito-size flour tortillas
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can refried low-flat black beans, Rosarito (haahaa)
1 cup chunky salsa, Pace (heh)
1 1/2 cups Mexican-style shredded cheese Kraft (ahahahhahahahahhahahahhah)
1/2 cup prepared guacamole from the refrigerated section.  (still laughing from the above)
2 tablespoons sour cream

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Lay 1 tortilla on a clean work surface. Spread the beans evenly over the tortilla. Spoon 3/4 cup of salsa over the beans, then sprinkle with the cheese. Top with the second tortilla. Place the quesadilla on a foil-covered cookie sheet.

Bake for approximately 15 minutes, or until the cheese is melted and the top is crisp and brown. Meanwhile, swirl the guacamole and sour cream together in a small bowl. Cut the quesadilla into 4 equal portions and transfer to a plate. Serve with the guacamole mixture and remaining 1/4 cup of salsa.

Comments

[rose]

Thank you so much for this. Why does this woman have a forum at all? And who are these people that use her "recipes?"

[joe]

yeah, dunno rose. i always sort of hoped that i'd get some pissy emails or comments from sandra lee lovers so they can explain it to me. but since i haven't, i wonder just who the hell likes her cooking and why she is on tv.

[modthinglet]

I feel deprived. Where is the April horror? A girl needs a good laugh/shudder. (It's like people wanting to watch a slasher flick.)

[joe]

april was a boxed cake mix covered with two containers of "strawberry" frosting from betty crocker, shaped into a bunny. then a frozen store bought sarah lee pound cake covered with betty crocker white frosting and food coloring. she called them pastel petit fours. gah!

[modthinglet]

You were right to leave it out. I think I'm too young for that kind of obscenity.

(Although I must admit, I did use a cake mix and can of frosting once in high school. I took a theater class. As director of one of the plays I was responsible for acquiring the props. I needed a chocolate cake for someone to stomp on. I used a mix. This is the only appropriate use for a cake mix.)

[gypsy]

Ah, April was the infamous rabid rat cake. (I saw the episode.) The only way to make that recipe edible (or even make it into something that wouldn't send children screaming from the table in fear) would be to trash it and go to a good cake decorating book for the right way to do it.

Thanks for going directly to May. I can't figure out what is May-like in them but then again, I can't figure out what's food-like in them, either.

[tokyoastrogirl]

You need to start a national "I Loathe Sandra Lee Fan Club." I'd join in a heartbeat. This woman would pour ketchup over pasta and call it marinara, I swear.

[Tulsatb]

Sicko de Mayo perhaps?

[Megan]

I just had to let you know about a recipe I found on Food Network by Sandra Lee that had her making corn on the cob smeared with a "BBQ butter" made of softened butter, chili powder and the powdered cheese packet from a package of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese! I mean, seriously. My disgust for her stretches out forever into eternity. I urge you to search out her "Kwanzaa cake" recipe, which is especially bizarre as "corn nuts" are listed as an ingredient.

[joe]

megan- that "cheese" packet butter is hysterical, and sad, all at the same time. good stuff.

tokyoastrogirl- you just made me shiver at the thought, as i'm sure she'd do something just like that.

[Teresa]

I sort of like some of her recipes.

[Stephanie]

This is hilarious! Hey, did she get a divorce or something? I usually do not watch her show, but it was on last week when I was bored. It was new and she had no ring on her left hand. Hmm.....did he find her as annoying as the rest of us or what?

[Gina Rae]

Joe- First, let me say I enjoy your site. Your passion for food and the art of creating cuisine is admirable. Second, I (like most able-thinking people) share your angst over all that is Sandra Lee and her evil empire. It angers me that the heads at Food Network continue to torture their viewers on a daily basis with her trainwreck anticts.

That said, I think you are wrong to belittle the fact that some of us don't have the ambition, time, or talent to cook in the way you do. I think there is NOTHING wrong with the concept of ketchup, boxed cakes, and even mac n cheese in the blue box (gasp)! In fact, a good segment of the population is similarly situated as myself. You are the exception.

Many of your entries ooze of pretention. And this is a put-down to professionals like myself who would rather spend our free time with family then slaving over a stove for hours. I would ask you keep this in mind as your condescending nature is overkill.

Plus, admit it. Mac n Cheese (in the blue box) tastes pretty good. Lighten up and ditch the attitude.

[joe]

gina, i am a "professional" as well and don't slave over the oven every night either. but i choose to avoid eating yellow dye number 23 pasta in the favor of wholesome food in which i can actually pronounce the ingredients. just tasting good is not the criteria i place on eating a meal. if it were, i'd surely be plowing down big macs at dinner each night along with the other millions of people who don't find it a problem to eat this way.

further, there is a difference between eating unwholesome food occassionaly and creating a TV show in which you attempt to encourage others to eat this way. even worse is trying to pass it off as special and thoughtful like sandra lee does.

as far as ditching the attitude and what not, that's not going to happen. ever.

[DinerGirl]

Keep up the good work. Sandra Lee is responsible for teaching the shittiest eating/food prep habits, and I know the Food Network has her on because she's the only person they could find who will shill for all their advertisers (even though they won't let their labels be shown on her disaster of a show). Ten bucks says her viewing demographic has a high rate of diabetes, cardiovascular disease and obesity. And, don't even get me started on her tablerapes.

[Jaime]

I'm still laughing about the prepared guacamole. Guacamole is #1 very easy to make and #2 homemade guacamole even using the spice packets they have in the produce section taste s WAY WAY WAY better than anything premade. And Pace salsa? OMG! Once again, prepared salsa from the jar tastes terrible and you can get a lot of good quality prepared salsas in the deli or whatever, but just like guacamole, its very easy to make yourself.

[joy]

I've never watched this pathetic Sandra woman on TV but the recipes you describe inspire the same feeling in me as I had the day the Pope was shot. Shock, disbelief, confusion. Stunned. Questioning, WHY? It's just wrong. I'm glad my Mom is no longer on this side of the veil to know this kind of thing is on TV; she was a woman who started her supper prep at about 7:30 am and sheltered us kids from the harsher realities of the world, like food in cans and boxes. I found out when I was a young bride learning to grocery shop that there are potatoes in cans. Again, WHY? Tell you what, this lady needs prayers, she is way far gone.

[mayra marcel]

sandra ilove the way you cook and the way you prepair food you make so easy. send me a email love m.marcel

[Cookerb]

Hi all,

Recently I've found a crazy site of [url=http://cakes.coconia.net]cake decorating articles[/url] but didn't understand a word from it.
Does anyone know some good cake decorating articles site? I need an idea for cupcakes decorating. Thanks!

-Bruce

[mike]

if you are a man dishing her then you are GAY. if you are a woman dishing her then you are JEALOUS. plain and simple

[Pebz]

I, too, hated Sandra Lee at first. As a foodie, I was deeply offended by her semi-homemade concept. Not to mention by her bubbly attitude about it. But you know what? Before I could even realize it she had started to grow on me like a freakin' wart. Now I think she is just too adorable for words. She's drop-dead gorgeous, extremely pleasant, and her time-saving concept is undeniably practical for busy people. I love her now.

[Bourdainiac]

Gorgeous? LMAO, you should see this broad sans makeup - she could pass for Bride of Barbaro!

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[sunflower]

I love Sandra Lee and all these remarks are ungodly and just mean. This is a very smart woman that had a very hard life. She was a child that had a very sick mother that she took care of and her siblings while going to school and taking care of this family by herself. Doing the very best she could. She did it and she is successful God Bless Her Heart

[Hyacinth]

Could you help me. If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
I am from Paraguay and know bad English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Book your vacation package online from a selection of preferred aruba vacation tour operators."

Thanks for the help :-), Hyacinth.