Introducing the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe

I recently received an unmarked box sent to me by an anonymous reader of this site.  This ingenious and slightly deranged person sent me a Sandra Lee Semi Homemade Calendar, courtesy of the Food Network.  Of course, this kind hearted reader sent me this "gift" in response to recent ramblings on how much Sandra Lee bugs me and how nauseating I find her.

After laughing my ass off, spending an entire day thinking about who sent this to me (reveal yourself, funny guy) and wondering if I am being stalked by Sandra Lee herself (wow, that would be awesome, actually.  Sandra, stalk me!), I realized that I needed to put this unfortunate Semi Homemade calendar "gift" to good use.

The Sandra Lee calendar features a lot of unwholesome, cheesy, tacky and horrendously unauthentic tips for kitchen hacks to reference each month of the year.  These come in the form of monthly recipes and entertaining advice designed to make you look foolish in front of friends and family.

Let me have Sandra explain this brilliant calendar for herself, courtesy of the outer cover:

"My "semi-homemade" approach reveals how to cook, decorate and entertain more easily, with sensational results.  By combining 70% ready-made with 30% of your own creativity, you'll enjoy 100% of the credit....in a fraction of the time.  Each month, this calendar offers some of my favorite 70/30 recipes, designed to fit in your recipe box."

It goes without saying that this 70/30 approach goes against virtually everything I find important to cooking, creating meals, enjoying food, as well as buying and shopping for fresh, seasonal ingredients.

In protest of this hack being on national television, I will be posting a monthly recipe on this site called the I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe.

On the last day of every month,  I will take one of her recipes from the current month of her Semi- Awful calendar and create my own I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe based on whatever her recipe "idea" was for the month.  The recipe will be created in the anti-Semi Homemade philosophy.  Forget 70/30 ratios combining laziness, unhealthiness and mindless, uncreative behavior. The I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe will be 0% ready-made and 100% creativity.   I will use her recipe idea and make something that actually took thought, time and impeccably fresh, seasonal, unconcentrated, unpreserved, unprocessed ingredients. 

During the middle of each month, I will announce the Sandra Lee monthly calendar recipe from which I will be cooking the new I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe from.  Here's where you come in.   If you are interested in posting your pictures or your own I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe,  I will post them (along with a link to your blog) with my monthly recipe for all fellow loathers to enjoy.

Look out for first Semi Homemade recipe from the March calendar shortly.  I'll then post the first I Loathe Sandra Lee Monthly Recipe(s) on the last day of March.

Join the loathing and send in your recipes! The more the merrier.  All 0%/100% efforts will proudly be accepted!

Comments

[tami]

please tell me there is a guide to making tater tot oscar statues or something.

i *so* cannot wait to get in on this...:)

[sam]

Being someone else who is firmly in the loathing Sandra Lee Club, I applaud your efforts. When I stumbled across her a few months ago, I really couldn't believe my eyes and I recieved a lot of sympathetic comments:

http://becksposhnosh.blogspot.com/2005/12/do-your-thumbprints-look-like-this.html

But can you really bring yourself to make one of her recipes?
I am not sure my moral fibres will allow me to, not even for a joke, I find her so "unfunny".

Are we all meant to make the same recipe as you? Are you going to give us the details, or are we required to spend some of our own money on one of her publications?

[joe]

hi sam. i'm glad you approve! i will post her recipes from march in a few days. i will definitely not follow her recipe, and would certainly encourage the entire free world to avoid doing so as well. i was thinking that her recipe can be used as inspiration to either 1) create your own proper version of a similar dish or 2) use the creativity she lacks to actually make something interesting out of it.

for instance, one of her march recipes is for a semi homemade lime-aid drink. this could lead to submissions for fresh or other inspiring fruit drinks, cocktails, or i was thinking of even doing a lime type of ceviche.

basically, anyone can submit whatever they fancy based on Sandy's main recipe idea. remember - creativity is the anti-semi homemde way! my submission will only be one of many that i post (i hope!).

hi tami - no oscar stuff that i saw but no worries, lots of horrendous ideas that are equally as bad!

[sam]

that's what I was thinking too.
Here's betting your hits go up from all the people who search for samdra lee
I got quite a surprising number of hits from people for "sandra lee sucks"

[gypsy]

I have a Live Journal community set up called Semi Homemade Sux. We're not particularly active but we're all pretty damn committed to the concept.

[Amandarama]

I can't actually watch Sandra Lee unless I'm drinking heavily to kill the pain.

So, I created a drinking game:

http://amandarama.blogspot.com/2004/06/sandra-lee-is-anti-christ-but-she-made.html

Enjoy!

[chiffonade]

Nice to see a kindred spirit! After the TVFN boards imploded, a discussion board was born out of the disdain for Sandra Lee. It's called Cassandra Crossing and it's part of proboards. Anyone who has ever measured out a level cup of flour has the right to lob a big rotten tomato at Ms. Boobs on a Broomhandle. She's a mockery in the culinary world and the spawn of many jokes. Love your blog!

[Pooh]

This odious woman in a recent segment referred to "marscapone" cheese close to a dozen times. Someone should tell this dumb blond what the word really is - mascarpone.

[Lea]

This is too awesome! I've only caught tiny segments of this chicks show.. and was wondering if I was crazy or if there was something really abnormal about her cooking style, or maybe... hopefully.. I caught the one episode where she wasnt actually cooking anything... I was wrong!
I look forward to the June recipe! I'll defintely be joining in this one!

[Marianne]

Oh, have some fun with my Sandra Lee Drinking Game! First, decide which term to count. Popular choices are "Fantastic" "So Good" or, "Little". Then, every time she says one, DRINK! As for her food, well, Fish sticks, that's all I can say...

[Jay]

We're spreading the hate for Sandra in Indy now, too.

http://www.sardonic-bomb.com/archives/000901.html

[doris trozzo]

i would like today recipe for beef and potato salad bar chocolate thank u

[Lil Dee]

i loved reading that article But can you really bring yourself to make one of her recipes?
I am not sure my moral fibres will allow me to, not even for a joke, I find her so "unfunny".

Are we all meant to make the same recipe as you? Are you going to give us the details, or are we required to spend some of our own money on one of her publications?

[Jene Vom Hoffmann]

I have to wonder if this 30% homemade, 70% store bought-boobs kitchen witch flunked out of college when she says "MARS-capone" which must be an out of this world cheese ...or maybe its related to Al Capone? And don't let her pronounce big words such as Worcestershire as she botches that too. She is just one more mediocre cook and we all know there is no shortage of those creatures. Right, Retchall Ray?

[georgebrown]

How about the pause before some simple word? "Then you put the potatoes in the ..........pan". I think she has a speech impeda...impe..speech problem.

[Sandra Lee]

Will the real Sandra Lee stand up.... I just stumbled onto this site...

I find it funny and amusing at the same time...

I am the REAL Sandra Lee I'm not as describbe in a previous post "30% homemade, 70% store bought-boobs kitchen witch"

I'm 100% home made by my momma... all 400 lbs. of me and I'm not kitchen witch... what's a kitchen?

I dont cook unless forced to.. with the treat of death!

Id I do have to :cook: my favorite thing to make is reservations.

I leave the cooking and all other manly things to my husband...

long ago... he complained about my cooking talent...

I told him if he thought he could do it better... go enjoy yourself...

I've not cooked anything except cakes, cookies or an occasional cheese cake in over 35 years... when I do bake something I rarely share....

Let's all send that impostor back to the cave she escaped from.. and let a real women back into the spotlight

Sandra Lee
http://moneypie.com (my blog)

[Lindsey]

You're an idiot.

[Anthony Ivers-Read]

How do we get her off television so someone with more talent and expertise can take her place, the woman is pathetic and the food network even more pathetic for not realizing the extent of her failings not to mention all the real food fans opinions of this pathetic show. SHE HAS TO GO!!We need a patition to send to The Food Network. I also have to wonder what all the other talented chefs on the network think when they see her show. they must laugh their spatulas off.

[k n]

hey guys, i understand your point of view about sandra but did you see her chefography? after watching that you might think twice about dissing her so harshly...she had a tough background and had to make do. she really couldn't get "real" crab to feed her family. lots of people in this country are like this and so i think that's the audience that appreciates her efforts, so maybe have a little heart?

[MS]

This idiot mispronounces words all the time. When she draws out "vin-a-ga-rette" I want to choke her. But I think what is worst is her self important attitude, "you have to try MY recipe" "I am so clever", talk about tooting her own horn! She does have a high opinion of herself! Oh, and put on a bra, for goodness sake!!! Ms. Lee doesn't do anything that any regular home cook doesn't do already, or would never do because it is simply too gross. Frosting angel food cake, extract in cool whip. She makes Rachael Ray's food look yum-mo. And her Chefography did NOT make me more sympathetic. Her upbringing wasn't a fairy tale, but she never went without and always had people around her who loved her. What I find amusing was her great mentors at the end... Florence Henderson and Mary Hart... oh yeah, and as an afterthought the grandmother who provided for her entire childhood. But family is important? Seems lame name dropping is. What a pompous pig. No chefs went on to vouch for her. One of my personal favorites for easy simple meals Ina Garten made a reference on her show to ridiculous tablescapes I could only hope it was a dig at this twit. It seems Sandra has been told by one too many people how creative she is and she buys into her own hype now.

[christina]

I find her sort of fascinating and sort of repulsive all at the same time. Her breasts are the real star of the show. And who coordinates their clothing with their decor??? i think she's got bottles of booze stashed everywhere....A new low recently, making cocktails out of fresca.

[Machine-Gun Eric]

Do you think Sandra Lee could just shut up for 3 seconds during her show? Constantly repeats herself and makes stupid remarks i.e.
"Now I am going to put this into the pan", "Now I am going to open this can". Hey ya dummie! Any fool can see what your doing.
I think she is half sloshed (paralyzed from the neck up) from drinking before, during, and after the show. Also, could she possibly scream any louder into the mic wwhen harping on aabout what she's doing?

[Shirley Bishop]

Got something against someone cooking something up in a hurry?

Some of these recipes come out pretty darned tasty and appreciated especially when time is on the line.

I just think you're into spending a lot of time in the kitchen. This show is for those who can't or don't want to - so, why are you even bothering to watch it?

Or are you on a hate fest?

[christina]

um, well, yeah. duh.

[Jessica]

She's the worst. The WORST. There are NO WORDS to describe how unjust the world is that she has a television show and talented people are working in Williams-Sonoma.

[Bevy]

Wow!! I can't stand her show and thought I was the only one. Her stupid tablescapes are insane.

[Deb]

I want to hurl when she says "I wha chew to" over and over again as she goes through the steps of making her concoction. I have to change the channel.

Has anyone noticed how few creditials she has on her wiki site? Did she pay someone for the network show? I've always suspected her money does all the talking.

I love this idea of updating her concoctions with real food. How hard is it to use fresh ingredients!!

[Rangeee]

I love when she refers to a vinaigrette as a “vinegar-ette.” Doesn’t anyone edit what she is saying on camera? This broad claims to be educated at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris... What an ill-fated pig.

[Bevy]

God I can't watch her show. I would never make any of her recipies. Rachel Ray sucks but she is a clown. And ya know, Paula Deen is starting to get on my nerves as well. Actually FN is starting to get really sickening. TNFNS is so fixed and I could only stay with that Simply Delicioso(sp) for about 30 seconds.

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[Holly]

I for one really like Sandra Lee and I adore her tablescapes and her decor. She made herself who she is today and she went to college! How many of you did??? The bottom line is she is an intelligent, funny, talented, creative and the one that bothers you women the most-ATTRACTIVE woman and you girls can't stand her only because you can't stand yourselves! Stop waisting time posting ignorant comments based on plain, childish jealousy and get up off your butts and do something productive! Like decorate your table, or can you?

[Mark]

Geez. You folks need some counseling in anger management. She's simply great eye-candy for stay at home dads. DUH! I just mute the show.

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[nancywm]

Today 11/24/07, Sandra Lee made a statement that told me just how ignorant she is, "I will open the oven door back open." Now my statement is, How does she stay on the air and who is she sleeping with?

[nancywm]

Today 11/24/07, Sandra Lee made a statement that told me just how ignorant she is, "I will open the oven door back open." Now my statement is, How does she stay on the air and who is she sleeping with?

[BITTER]

I used to rag on her until I tried her Shrimp Noodle Soup and Wild Mushrooms on Melba Toast. You guys are missing the point of her show. She's not trying to be gourmet. Her meals and tablescapes are for people who aren't wealthy; it's for people who work hard and don't have the time and money to make overtly fancy meals. I don't like the idea of using tomato juice and catsup for lasagna, but I can find fault with some of the dishes from all the Food Network cooks. Please, get over yourselves.

[Geraldine Carbone]

Why don't you just write your own recipes? They seem fine. Why do you have to have a web site promoting hate for anyone?
Why? Because you are nothing on your own.Give it a rest and stop endorsing hatred for a person who worked hard all her life and lived through child abuse and misery.

[kelly costello]

I loathe the disrepectfull comments on this
site and the jealous nature of the ladies
making the comments.
I find Sandra to be quite pleasent in nature and have enjoyed some of her recipies
especially jamaica jerked chicken and mango
salad.
Keep up the good work. I will continue
watching your show.

[Peggy]

How on earth do you people find time to cook your little gourmet dinners when you seem to spend so time chatting and spewing hatred! What a bunch of losers! I'll take Sandra Lee any day over any one of you - at least she had enough initiative to get herself off her butt and out there ... doing some good in fact for the fast paced cook. You know the one - the working mom, the volunteering gal, the running as fast as she cam - cook - unlike you who seem to have too much time on your hands. Why don't you "ladies" go strip some kernels off a cob or something really useful.
I have a feeling none of you are still on this site - it's been awhile hasn't it....bet you're all at Weight Watchers or something.

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[wxyb]

this woman waste more damm food . never cleans out the hole bowl, and ina garten would never use bottled lemon juice,and all the package food she uses,is fulllllllll of chemals and the number of plastic bags she uses is very wasteful and fills up the landfills. and all the money they spent is sicking. GET A LIFE SANDRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Katie]

Oh good grief. Most of you that made comments about how Sandra mispronounces certain words, misspelled words in your own comments. Oh yeah, and there's this thing called a "remote." It allows you to change the channel when you don't feel like watching a show anymore. But I guess it would be hard to see from those high horses you're sitting on... Thanks S. Lee for providing options for those of us that don't have all the time in the world to devote to gourmet cooking. And thanks to all the other cooks who provide us with those gourmet recipes when we want to be impressive.

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[jen]

I agree she's totally out-of-touch with the world of food & food culture. Preservatives & pre-packaged nonsense is just bad for everyone. But, can you at least see why she does it? I guess she's trying to show those busy parents out there that if you don't just want to shove a tv dinner in the microwave and serve it to your kids, you can make something at least a little OK looking/tasting. In that respect, don't you think she had a good idea? She didn't/doesn't really go about it in a good way--she should use fresh, healthy ingredients and show how easy it is....I think she should just stick to her tablescapes and leave cooking to Paula Deen. Maybe Sandra and Rachel Ray can go buy a restaurant and call it "Feeding You Crap, All the Time."

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[Consuella]

People who use Sandra Lee's tips for cooking have no real idea of what they are putting into their foods. Her recipes are loaded with sodium as she's always using pre packaged and canned goods. She doesn't have great use of seasonings. I definitely would not recommend anyone who may be serious about learning how to cook or anyone who enjoys cooking to watch her shows. Besides, she does way too much drinking "cocktail time" on her show.

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[ali]

i think that you should also keep track of how much it costs. i just saw her on a show where she counts up all of how much everything costs... i don't know where she shops or was getting her information, but she made crap for 4 people for $20, and claimed it would have been much more fresh. i am flat broke and i would never make anything i've seen her make. i have nothing against her personally, from what i heard she's had a tough life, but i really hate that she is promoting an unhealthy lifestyle and claiming it is cheaper. lemme know if you ever want to collaborate on fixing her "recipes" - i'd love to help.