I watch a decent amount of food related TV. Not an obsessive compulsive amount, but probably more than most. I find it oddly attractive, mainly because I find most of it so nauseating.
In fact, I can count the quality, informative and entertaining food shows on one hand. Why is this?
Why can't networks and production companies crack the food tv code? Some are informative but boring as all hell. Many feel contrived and recycle the same theme of "My friends are coming over and I want to make something simple yet fantastic!". They remind me of the Gourmet and Bon Appetit features of smiling, happy guests, clinking glasses and laughing hysterically over a perfectly manicured dish of something simple yet not too complicated. The cook, in a perfect Williams-Sonoma apron, prepares food in a yuppy suburban kitchen with amazing soft, natural light, smiling and laughing, as if this was the only thing they were doing for the entire day. Why is this the stereotype that food network people think we all want to see? Am I the only one that finds this so cliche?
So here you go, nameless, faceless internet. My list of the best and worst of food TV for 2005.
Worst. Shows. Ever.
Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee. I cannot sum up how shitty this show is any better than this post. The concept is beyond awful - this show should be called "Half-Assing It", "No One will Know You Can't Cook" and "I Spent More Money and Just As Much Time to Make Food that Sucks". The crap she makes is actually what I avoid eating on virtually any occasion. Listening to her talk about serving fun, yummy treats can be used as a form of torture for any food loving person. Who makes the decision to air this show? Are they mentally challenged?
Taste of America. I have discussed this debacle on this site already. Hey - food programming director of the Travel Channel. Here's a news flash. If you were to cast someone as the host of a light hearted show, this person would actually need to be funny, interesting and engaging. Wow - I just had a great idea. If it's a food show, maybe the person might have some food experience so they could, you know, talk about food and stuff. No joke, this show will leave your brain in neutral for about 3 days. Avoid at all costs.
Anything Paula Deen. Paula seems like a nice person and she does have a ton of personality, which is all positive. My issue with her shows are pretty simple to articulate. Her voice has the same effect on my stomach as a raw oyster gone sour. Second, and more to the point, her food has got to be the most unhealthy shit one could ever hope to eat in one sitting. Eat this food a few times a week and watch yourself expand into multiple forms of yourself. Think butter, cream, cheese, lard, Crisco, fried meat all in the same dish. This post sums it all up.
$40 a Day. I will not waste my time or yours debating whether Rachel Ray is annoying or not. But how the hell is a show about spending $40 a day while on vacation a good idea? Who the hell goes on vacation in order to find a restaurant with the cheapest entrees and not order a freaking glass of wine or beer with dinner? Fucking save up for a few weeks so you can tip people more than a dollar at a restaurant. This show is my idea of what a vacation to hell would be like. Great idea, guys.
Passable and Fixable
Everyday Italian with Giada DeLaurentis. The food suggestions here are relatively thoughtful and good for the everyday home cook, most look pretty tasty. I find Giada mesmerizing to look at - her large head has been well documented and she has an amazing cleavage stylist. Nice work, guys.
Barefoot Contessa. Makes some pretty good suggestions for entertaining and home cooking. I like the close in shots of the food while she is preparing it - stylishly done but also helpful to actually see what is happening to what she is preparing. She does a good job at talking through her dishes and is generally interesting enough.
The part that needs fixing for these shows is the above rant I make about fake, cliched scenarios of friends coming over, happy hostess serving them, fun laughing banter while eating. Stop! I know that's what the focus groups tell you what people want, but it's such a generic formula that plays like a broken record over the entire food network. Michael Chiarello's show is exactly the SAME SHOW AS THE ABOVE TWO but just a different host, yet the food network makes sure the cliche is extended for maximum viewer enjoyment in back to back to back epsiodes. Earth to Food Network. Think of a new cliched theme to these shows, quick. Or just make it stop!
Good Stuff
I will not suggest the below shows are must see TV. They are the least offensive of the bunch and all have exceedingly positive qualities. They are not perfect and questionably interesting for non-food geeks, but this site is for food geeks, so....
Good Eats. Do everything Alton Brown says. Thank him for his uncliched approach to cooking tv. The guy is passionate, articulate, nerdy and interesting. His scientific approach can alienate the less intense cooks in the home, but whatever.
Anything Iron Chef. You know how I feel about Iron Chef proper and Iron Chef America. Iron Chef proper is the best food show ever created. IC America is pretty entertaining if not lacking in many areas that I've articulated on the site in detail. This is Tivo material for me.
Simply Ming. Why did Food Network ditch the Minger? Who the hell would think that this dude wouldn't be better than Sandra Lee on their network? Why do people eat fried meat with Crisco, butter and lard in the same dish? I don't know. Simply Ming is a great show. Ming makes a master recipe, say a sauce or condiment and shows you how to use it in multiple dishes within the show. Great idea. He brings on a well known chef who then does something entirely different with the master recipe. Track it down on PBS and Tivo it.
Anything Lydia Bastianich. I love this woman as does everyone else with a pulse. Proof that the Food Network has no idea what they are doing, she has grown to be a superstar from her awesome PBS shows. No cliches here. Lydia makes everything real time in the kitchen of her real home. No bullshit parties with fake people coming over. Sometimes her family pops in to eat and help, but they are real, unscripted people and they aren't presented within the fake Bon Appetite or Gourmet scenarios.